12 Other Things ISIS Just Remembered To Claim Responsibility For

this is ISIS

1. Loud fountains

2. $15 minimums for credit card purchases

3. Platonic Forms

4. The rise of midcentury furniture

5. How geese look

6. Jimmy Wales asking you for $3

7. Anytime someone has waved to you

8. Pablo Honey

9. Bundling of toxic subprime mortgages

10. Having to fold fitted sheets

11. The dread we feel as we stand at the precipice of absolute freedom

12. Starbucks being out of Kind bars